Powering through death can be one of the biggest obstacles anyone can face. At some point, everyone is going to lose a loved one. Everyone will make a choice when death strikes and the hurdles are in front of you. What decision will you make to overcome these obstacles?
Many of us feel like death is the end of the world. Some of us may feel like it is a natural part of life and we will see our loved ones again. There are some who can’t move on, and then there are some who move on right away. Are some of us stronger or weaker than others when it comes to the loss of a loved one? It may depend on who died or maybe it doesn’t at all. Whatever the case may be, how do we overcome these obstacles and what are some of the challenges we will face?
The biggest hurdle we have to face is realizing we no longer have access to their advice, talk to, hold, or see our loved one again. This realization is the shits. It really is… That’s why we are going to list this as the number one hurdle to jump over. Maybe we believe in life after death, or perhaps we don’t. The issue is not going to dismiss itself until we die, or we reunite. One of the best methods to get over this hurdle is to find ways to keep our loved ones alive. Just because they are not here in the physical form, doesn’t mean we need to let their legacy die. Why the hell would we do that anyway? Take action! Let’s gather everything we possibly can that reminds us of them and strategically place them around the house, office, car, or yard. The hardest part of death is forgetting their laugh, smile, humor, etc. So, let’s not forget! Seeing constant reminders may seem like a bad idea, but the more we see them, the more we remember them and the longer their legacy will remain alive.
What do we do immediately upon the death of a loved one? We talk about them, share their stories, look at pictures or watch videos. We try everything we can to find ways to laugh with each other. Why does this need to end when they are six feet under the ground? It doesn’t. We need to continually do what we did the day we realized they were no longer going to be with us. These are powerful tools. There was a reason we initially took photographs, videos, or audio recordings. It was so we could look back on them and always remember those moments. Hell, sometimes there is a relative who resembles who we lost. Let that person know what features they have that remind us of our loved one. Doing these things is how we overcome obstacle number one. It’s an excellent way to limit the memories we feel like we need to “box up and put away.”
Now we have figured out a great way to overcome one of our hardest obstacles; we can move onto another challenge. Wait a minute, how is there anything harder than the first hurdle? By damn, there isn’t. Now we are making progress! By keeping our loved one’s memories alive, we can begin to work on ourselves. Our second hurdle is “letting people in.” It’s a complicated process, and personal healing is something we may have to figure out on our own. We get it; it’s easier not to burden others with the pain we have. Shutting everyone out can also be detrimental to the relationship we have with other family members or friends. Some of us can work through this hurdle faster than the rest of us. A good reminder, we are not the only ones hurting. Closing the door on everyone can make everyone feel like they have not only lost the one who died but another person in the process. As hard as this may sound, we can’t make ourselves the victim during a death. We destroy friendships and relationships when we do this.
Well, how do we let people in after death? We need to be willing to talk about our feelings. Expressing our fears, pains, and struggles are never easy; however, it’s those vulnerable times when we pull ourselves together and allow true healing to set in. Continually talking about what’s gnawing at us will give our supporters an opportunity to help us heal from what we no longer have. If we need to cry, by hell, it’s okay to do so. Sometimes our tears are what our bodies need. Let our tears be the water of our growth. Who are we trying to impress by not showing our emotion? It isn’t always easy to let others in, but if we want to move forward, we have no choice. We can’t make this process harder than it needs to be for everyone else or ourselves.
These two hurdles are the hardest to master. They are simplified when we take action, as we’ve just gone over. Once we realize they are gone, and not coming back, we need to already have the action plan in place. We need to walk by memories in our homes, at work, our vehicles, and our yards. These things are going to help keep our loved ones alive. Then we need to allow others to move into our hearts and expose our vulnerability. Playing the victim will hurt our self-healing and everyone around us. Being tough is hard, but being weak will only lead to self-destruction. Let our tears be the water of our growth.